Sorry for the long hiatus, with Open Shed heating up I kept on telling myself that I just didn’t have time to write here. But I’ve just realised how silly that was. I enjoy writing here and if I hadn’t started writing here, Open Shed may never have happened. By giving myself the freedom to do something creative and fun I gave myself the space to think up ideas like Open Shed.

So anyway I’m back!

This week I have been contemplating why there are some people out there that feel the need to tell you all the things you are doing wrong… well actually what they perceive you are doing wrong.

Now I’m not saying that I’m not open to feedback, suggestions or criticism. But sometimes it really does get tiring constantly justifying myself and ideas.

Yes, I have done research into that. Yes, I am aware that others have failed doing similar things. Yes, I am aware that there are risks, discomfort and the possibility of failure associated with my decision

I’ve decided this year that I am going to try very hard not to justify myself to others anymore. Anyone who knows me knows I love a chat and learning new things, so I am more than happy to discuss what I am doing and my ideas, but no more justifying!

It just takes up too much of my energy, and for the most part what I say really has no effect on the other person. They have already decided what they think and I am also slowly realising their comments often have very little to do with me. Rather it is their way of justifying why they themselves have chosen to do or not do something.

While I could give you plenty examples of conversations that I have had over the last 10 months that fit into this category, I think a story a friend recently told me sums it up best.

My friend a few years ago was travelling in Thailand and she carried around a tripod with her to use when taking photos. Yes, it was hot and sticky in Bangkok. Yes, the tripod was a little heavy. But she decided that this discomfort was outweighed by the fact that she took much better photos with her tripod.

During her stay three different guys, in different locations came up and asked her very angrily what was she doing? What was the point of having her tripod? And made it perfectly clear that they thought it was stupid of her to be carrying her tripod with her.

Now in each of these cases she wasn’t actually using the tripod at the time (simply carrying), so it wasn’t like she was blocking their shot etc (yes, they were photographers too). It was just like these men took it as a personal affront that this women would be carrying around a tripod with her. It was such an issue for them that they exerted energy to tell her this and then list all the reasons why she shouldn’t be using her tripod.

Why? Why would you bother to get angry at a stranger, about a decision that they made, which has no impact on you?

Its certainly not something I would do, but I can only assume that these men wished that they had their tripods and were angry with themselves that they hadn’t brought it with them (??)

Anyway a bit of a heavy post after a long break, but this is something I’ve been letting get under my skin and its pretty cathartic to share these thoughts. So I’ve put my intention to change out to the world – I know I can’t change other people, but I can change the way I react…

Last week over on the Foxhound Blog I wrote about a fabulous online community called PlanBig, which essentially helps bring people together to make things happen! I’ve recently joined the PlanBig community and in my post I shared a little bit about some of the cool people and plans I have encountered via the PlanBig site.

One of these plans is called Soften the F*ck Up and is all about challenging the stereotype of the ‘real man’ in Australia because right now too many Aussie men are turning to suicide. The campaign seeks to reduce the stigma of mental health amongst men, because without reducing the stigma, we can’t promote mental health literacy and empower young men to seek help.

The Soften the F*ck Up site was launched on Friday and I urge you check it out and share it with all the men you care about.

On the site you will find some excellent resources, videos and personal stories. There is also this powerful manifesto:

This manifesto is a call to arms for men around the world to reunite and have each other’s backs. This is a call for men to bring back the meaning of mateship and of being a man. Being strong isn’t about who can keep a stiff upper lip for the longest. It is time to challenge the status quo.
I am a strong man. I am a strong man who knows who I am and is comfortable with that. One who empowers and treat others the way that I want to be treated – with justice, equity and respect.
I am a strong man.
I am a strong man because I care for others just as much as I would care for myself. I am going to make sure they take action if something doesn’t feel right or if I am not feeling well. This means talking about it with my mates, my family and anyone who is able to help me.
I am a strong man.
I am a strong man who looks out for my friends just as I want them to look out for me. This means checking in on, supporting, and empowering my mates and never leaving them behind. I’m going to have the tough conversations when we need to.
I am tough enough to admit faults.
I am strong enough to look after my family, my mates, people around me and myself.
I am man enough to have the tough conversations.